Yesterday we had to go up and get blood drawn. Every time I go now I start to cry. I look at Kayden and how big he is getting and I cry. My mind automatically goes back to the time when I was dragging two little kids, sometimes three, with a double stroller, diaper bags, and feeding pumps and I think how difficult it was and now I can hold the hand of my six year old and we can walk in together. He still sits on my lap when he gets his blood draw and there are no tears when it happens. Now days I can take Koy to the sitter and not even have to worry about him at the hospital (which is really nice sometimes because him and Kayden together think that they can act like a bunch of monkeys).
I don't get anxiety about going there, because I love PCMC I just cry the moment I drive into the parking garage and let tears run down my face as I walk to the lab. People look at me and think I am strange, but oh well. I can't help but think back to times when it wasn't so easy. When I was the one struggling with the baby, the double stroller, the 5 year old, the crying baby, the feeding pump, the 2 year old that couldn't walk, the newborn, changing the diapers and so it. Whenever I think back to those days I thank Heavenly Father for all that we have been blessed with and that I was able to have the strength that I needed in order to handle everything. I must say I ROCKED! (I don't mean to toot my own horn or anything. But its my blog and I can say that if I want to.)
My only complaint about going up there now is that really ugly horse there in the front. I hate that thing and think it is so ugly. When we walked by yesterday Kayden said to me that it was "beautiful but the hair is ugly." I love that kid! and he amazes me with everything that he has suffered through. I guess the good thing is that he doesn't remember most of it, only I do. I guess that can be a good thing. I just don't want him to think that he can't do anything because he can do anything he sets his mind to.
3 comments:
You certainly did rock! So many people looked(and still look) at you in amazement for doing what you had to do and not complaining or throwing in the towel. You would stay up there in the guest house with Kayden and Koy and the feeding pump, all that medication, and go to his appointments by yourself. Many times you had Lexi along with you. I was thinking back to that Christmas you spent at the Ronald McDonald house, a 2-year-old transplant patient, a 2-month-old baby, trying to keep things together. But you did it. You were certainly blessed. Kayden is such a dear boy. He has such a soft heart, always looking for the good. When he sees others being mean he just weeps. He is so sweet.
I was thinking of the christmas at Ronald McDonald house too. I can't believe it has been 4 years! You are amazing Tammy, I look up to you for everything you have gone through. And, Kayden really is one of my heroes. He is such a tender hearted little boy and so sweet. He will just tell you how it is but try to make it nice (Nana, your tree is pretty. but you really need ornaments on it) :)
Man he sure does have a positive attittude. Standing at my tree telling me how beautiful it was and how MUCH more beautiful it would look with stuff on it!
I think at the time that we are doing it we just do it. It is a way of life at the moment. Then we add the getting bigger and better and the idea that it will go back and be hard is the hardest thing to think of. We forget that it wasn't always easy then either.
We go next week to Dr. Walker. That ist he hardest appointment for me.
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